Not Like The Movies
by klomewhatmay
Summary: One dream was all it took for Kurt to realize everything that was wrong with his life, all that was missing, and all that he'd lost. He wanted and needed the one thing he couldn't have, and he couldn't bear to let himself hurt the one he loved anymore. Kurt tries to cut him off, and they both begin to realize their happily ever after might not be waiting. CWM reaction, eventual M.
1. Chapter 1: Such A Perfect Grace

**A/N: **This started out as a reaction drabble to Come What May (the song), and eventually developed into a plot that wouldn't leave me alone. Takes place in and after 4.16, and goes AU from there. Click _(x)._

* * *

Kurt blinks around, confused. He's not sure how he got here, all he knows is something in him _aches, _his chest _hurts _for reasons he can't place, and he can feel his heart sinking a little along with the gentle melody coming from what seems like all around him.

And suddenly a warmth is breaking through the fog around him, a voice joining in the with the music, a voice he doesn't have to search to place, a voice he knows inherently.

_Never knew I could feel like this,_

He turns, eyes wide as he stares at the figure approaching him.

_Like I've never seen the sky... before._

"Blaine..." he breathes.

And he should be shocked, but then again...he always knew this day would come...this moment with Blaine. He's been waiting for it his whole life, even before he knew he was.

_Want to vanish inside your kiss..._

And Blaine is watching him, approaching him slowly, cautiously, in a way that almost hurts Kurt. Blaine's eyes are filled with the deepest love, admiration, the most emotion Kurt's ever seen another person bear in their soul, and yet he moves hesitantly. Kurt wants to reach for him, wants to run to him, but something holds him back. They aren't that anymore...they aren't supposed to be anyway...but how couldn't they, when Blaine looks at him like that, and Kurt knows what it means and how it feels, because if he weren't so stunned, and his heart didn't hurt so much, he'd be looking back in just the same way.

Blaine steps forward until he's right in front of Kurt and looks down, and gently, ever so gently, reaches out and takes Kurt's hands, not pulling him, not seeking anything, just connecting them. He looks at their joined hands for a long moment before something swells in him, a burst of courage, and he looks up to meet Kurt's eyes.

_Seasons may change,  
winter to spring,_  
_But I love you until the end of time..._

Kurt sucks in a breath as Blaine's face breaks into beautiful, aching smile at the end of the line, before faltering and falling into something more serious, more pained, more longing, but there's determination there, strong and sure, rippling beneath the surface.

_Come what may,  
Come what may,  
I will love you until my dying day._

Kurt's heart is hammering in his chest, and he's still stunned, watching Blaine in amazement, because how is he real, how can anyone feel so much for him and how can he feel it in return? And then Blaine's taking a step back, releasing Kurt's hand, and Kurt feels his stomach swoop, because he can't lose this now, now yet. He opens his mouth in a gasp but instead he finds himself joining in, singing with Blaine, careful and quiet.

_Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place,_

Blaine blinks at him, a small, surprised smile before continuing.

_Suddenly it moves with such a perfect grace,_

The smile is still on his face as Kurt takes a step towards him, and Blaine takes a step back, growing more confident and sure every second. Making sure Kurt wants it too. Kurt shakes his head a little in a daze as they sing, circling , their eyes locked, close enough to touch but not.

_Suddenly my life doesn't seem such a waste  
It all revolves around you._

But then Blaine stops moving away from him, step towards him again, his smile changing again, because he knows now, he's sure...now he's only waiting for Kurt to be too...

_And there's no mountain too high,_  
_No river too wide,_  
_Sing out this song and I'll be there by your side,_  
_Storms clouds may gather, and stars may collide..._

Kurt's breath catches in his throat, and his eyes sting, and he can feel the stunned tears welling in his eyes as the words spill from his lips, finally admitting something he's always known but wouldn't allow himself to say out loud...

_But I love you,_

Blaine smiles again, and his eyes are shining too, and he nods a little, like he's glad Kurt's finally realized something he's been trying to make him understand all along, and then answers...

_I love you_

_Until the end of the time_

And then Blaine's stepping forward, closing the gap between them, reaching up with one hand to cup Kurt's jaw, and Kurt's hand immediately flies to his arm, holding him there, sliding his hand up to lace their fingers together...

_Come what may_

_Come what may_

_I will love you..._

With a gentle squeeze, Blaine releases Kurt's hand and takes a step back, smiling at Kurt with a sureness about him, a knowing deep within.

_I will love you..._

He backs away into the mist, still smiling at Kurt, understanding, loving...he doesn't have to say a thing, and the words are left unsung, hanging in the air between them like a promise yet to be consecreated...

Until my dying day.

Forever is waiting for them. Blaine knows it, and with a final glance, Kurt knows too, and he knows Blaine will be waiting, whenever he's ready, when the time is right, Blaine will always be there, waiting for him, until the end of time.


	2. Chapter 2: Impact

_"Kurt..." Blaine said quietly, the sure, patient smile on his face as he faded into the shadows. And suddenly Kurt's heart, his fingers ached for him, and he reached out, but Blaine was already gone, his words, Kurt's name, still echoing quietly in the air._

* * *

"Kurt...Kurt!"

Kurt nearly jumped, startled awake by a hand jostling his shoulder. He blinked around at the fuzzy image of his apartment, the movie playing on quietly and all of his friends staring at him with mixed looks of concern and surprise.

The rooftop, with its paper lanterns and faerie lights, its mist and music, its magic...it was gone. Blaine was gone. It hadn't been real. He sucked in a shaky breath, and only then did he realize there were tears running down his face.

"Kurt, are you okay? What's wrong, love?"

Kurt looked up, dazed, seeking where the voice had come from, trying to place it. He blinked and found Adam, hand still on his shoulder, looking worried.

And suddenly it seemed so pointless...so fruitless, so silly, Adam, trying to be with him, pretending that they could one day be more, that Kurt could even possibly love him one day. He never would. He knew that now. At least, not the way he loved Blaine...

Blaine who was gone. Blaine who he'd lost. Blaine who he'd hurt.

He didn't know what they were anymore, but whatever it was, it wasn't what he wanted, and part of him told him they could never be that again. Not really. In his dream, it had been the beginning again...they'd been starting over, and they loved each other, more than Kurt could even begin to understand...

But it hadn't been real. It was a dream, something his subconscious desperately wanted and had cruelly made him aware of, only for reality to kick back in and remind him life wasn't a movie, it wasn't that simple...

A tiny, breathy, silent sob escaped him and Adam's frown deepened, Rachel and Brody exchanging a confused glance while Santana looked on, her expression unreadable.

"Kurt?"

Without a word, Kurt pushed Adam's hand off, standing up and hurrying out of the room, wanting to be away from them, their trivial little situation, from his friends that didn't, couldn't understand, from this apartment that bore so many terrible memories from one awful night he'd give anything to erase, but the idea that everything around him represented, that he left and he lost the most important thing to him...

"What was that?" he heard Brody ask.

"The song...its he and Blaine's wedding song," Santana answered quietly.

Kurt kept walking, straight to the window and shoving it open, climbing out onto the fire escape and closing it behind him. It was snowing lightly, and he was shivering, but he didn't care. He pulled out his phone and hit speed dial 2 automatically, crying into his hand as it rang, having no idea what he was going to say or do, just needing to hear Blaine's voice, to know he was there, to make it even a little bit real, to know Blaine was still waiting and was still his...

_"Hi, this is Blaine. Sorry, I'm not here right now, just leave a message and I'll get back to you as soon as I can. Thanks!"_

Kurt felt like he'd been punched.

_To always pick up your phone call no matter what I'm doing..._

They'd promised a lot of things.

He hung up before the recorded voice could finish instructing him to wait for the tone. Life wasn't a movie. It wasn't that simple. Things were trivial and people got hurt, but happily ever after wasn't waiting for hi. He'd hurt Blaine so much...ignored him, neglected him, wasn't grateful for him, and then used him...Blaine deserved a lot better. Moreover, Kurt knew he didn't deserve someone like Blaine. Blaine had made a mistake, a huge one, but he'd fought every moment since then to make it right, to fix what he'd broken..and Kurt had made so many mistakes, small ones, for too long...

Blaine didn't deserve this. Kurt couldn't do this to him.

A knock on the window startled him out of his thoughts and he looked up to see Adam standing there, looking dejected but resolved. Kurt swallowed, tucking his phone into his pocket and opening the window, climbing back inside.

They stood in silence for a long moment before Kurt spoke.

"I'm...I'm sorry about that," he murmured, and he didn't know why. He should feel awful, he should feel obligated to fix this...but he couldn't.

Adam sighed and dragged a hand through his ahir.

"Santana explained the, um...situation to me," he said. "And I get it now. I think...I think I should go."

Kurt's eyes stung again with a fresh wave of tears. "Adam..." he said quietly, voice full of regret.

Adam felt up a hand to stop him. "I get it now," he repeated. "You two...I know you're not over him. From what I've seen, I don't...I don't think you're ever going to be over him. And I...I don't want to be the one holding you back."

Kurt stared at him, wishing he could deny it, wishing he could fix this, but he knew he couldn't. He said nothing.

Adam nodded a little, to himself, sighing "Right," before he hesitated a moment, leaned forward to press a kiss to Kurt's cheek before turning and walking out. Kurt slid down to the ground, pull his knees into his chest as new tears spilled down his cheeks. His phone vibrated in his pocket and he choked, reaching down to pull it out only to throw it across the floor, not caring if it cracked, crying into his knees and wishing it would all just go away. Everything was so broken...and he couldn't fix it.


	3. Chapter 3a: Reaching Out

**New Voicemail : Thursday, 5:07 pm**

_"Hey Kurt! It's Blaine. Sorry I missed your call. I was right in the middle of a number for Glee. Call me back, or I can try again later or something. Talk to you soon!"_

__**New Voicemail : Friday, 12:03 pm**

_"Hi Kurt, just me again, returning your call. Wasn't sure if you got my message but I called back last night so I'll just...you know, call me back when you get this. Talk to you later!"_

**1 Missed Call from Blaine, Friday, 6:30 pm**

**Text, Friday, 6:45 pm**

Hey, did you get my messages? Call me back whenever :) -B

**New Voicemail : Saturday, 8:13 am**

_"Kurt, it's me again. I...look, did I do something wrong? You just...you called on Thursday and you've been ignoring me ever since. Whatever I did, I...I'm sorry. Please call me back. I'll talk to you later I guess."_

**1 missed call from Blaine, Saturday, 2:40 pm**

**1 missed call from Blaine, Saturday, 9:56 pm**

**1 missed call from Blaine, Sunday, 7:20 am**

**Text, Sunday, 8:00 am**

Kurt, please answer me. -B

**Text, Sunday, 8:00 am**

Whatever I did, I'm really sorry. -B

**Text, Sunday, 8:07 am**

I'm really, really sorry, Kurt. -B

**Text, Sunday, 9:00 am**

Please. -B

**New Voicemail : Sunday, 10:00 pm**

_"Kurt...look, whatever I did, I didn't mean to upset you. Or whatever I did, I'm really sorry. At Christmas, we...we said we were going to talk. And be honest with each other. And look, if I...if I did something, I want to fix it. Please talk to me. I don't want to...just please call me. Or text me. Something. Please. I lo- ...just call me."_

**1 missed call from Blaine, Monday, 8:00 am**

**1 missed call from Blaine, Monday, 10:00 am**

**1 missed call from Blaine, Monday, 12:00 pm**

**1 missed call from Blaine, Monday, 2:00 pm**

**1 missed call from Blaine, Monday, 3:00 pm**

**1 missed call from Blaine, Monday, 3:03 pm**

**Text, Monday, 5:08 pm**

Kurt, please. -B

**Text, Monday, 5:10 pm**

I'm begging you. -B

**1 missed call from Blaine, Tuesday, 8:00 am**

**1 missed call from Blaine, Tuesday, 12:00 pm**

**1 missed call from Blaine, Tuesday, 6:00 pm**

**1 missed call from Blaine, Wednesday, 6:00 pm**

**1 missed call from Blaine, Thursday, 6:00 pm**

**New Voicemail : Saturday, 3:28 am**

_"Kurt...please. Please, I'm- I'm begging you. What did I do? Please, just tell me that, please. Is this about Adam? Or...or the wedding? Or...Kurt, p-please. I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry, please, just don't...don't cut me off. Not again. I can't...Kurt please, I need...I'm sorry, okay? I don't know what I'm...I don't, I'm sorry, please, Kurt, I love you. I- I do. I love you, and I can't...I can't deal with you with you being gone again. I won't...I'm sorry. Please Kurt. Please..."_

* * *

**Text from Tina, Monday, 2:45 pm**

What did you do? -T

**Text from Kurt, Monday, 2:48 pm**

What? -K

**Text from Tina, Monday, 2:50 pm**

What did you do to Blaine? -T

**Text from Kurt, Monday, 2:54 pm**

I didn't do anything. -K

**Text from Tina, Monday, 2:55 pm**

Yes, you did. He's been a wreck since last week, and he hasn't answered my texts or calls all weekend and I know he's getting them because he's been attached to his phone all week. And he wasn't even in school today. So what did you do? -T

**Text from Kurt, Monday, 3:10 pm**

It doesn't matter. He'll get over it. -K

**Text from Tina, Monday, 3:13 pm**

Wow. Right. Nice, Kurt. Really. -T

* * *

**Text from Sam (to Blaine), Monday, 5:03 pm**

Dude... -S

**Text from Sam (to Blaine), Monday, 5:05 pm**

Dude, you're scaring me. Please. Are you okay? -S

**Text from Blaine (to Sam), Monday, 5:10 pm**

No. -B

**Text from Sam (to Blaine), Monday, 5:11 pm**

Tina and I are coming over. -S

* * *

**1 Missed Call from Blaine, Monday, 9:45 pm**


	4. Chapter 3b: Bleeding Out

It continued like that for weeks. One missed call from Blaine, exactly one, every day, more or less around the same time, after 9:00 pm. It had been their scheduled Skype date time, what seemed like forever ago.

Various texts here and there from Tina, Sam, Finn, even Puck who seemed to be visiting the New Directions and was extremely concerned, something very un-Puck-like as far as Kurt was concerned. And yet Kurt couldn't bring himself to do it. He couldn't bring himself to answer the phone, even though he sat there, staring at it at 9:00 every night, waiting for it to ring. It had become a routine.

He wouldn't allow himself to ruin things anymore. He'd decided that. Blaine was too important, too special, and he deserved so much more than all the pain Kurt caused him. Yes, he was hurting now, Kurt knew that, but this was supposed to help him. In the long run, Blaine would be okay. He had to be. Kurt knew he was doing the right thing (or wanted to know so…) and wouldn't let himself break. He couldn't contact Blaine, but hearing the phone ring every night, watching it light up with Blaine's smiling face on the screen, from a happier time…it was all he had. It was as close as he could get without touching, allowing for a connection that wasn't really there, but he could imagine long enough to keep it from hurting too much.

The day the calls stopped was the day he broke.

It was a Thursday night, over a month since the first voicemail, (those of which Kurt had saved and listened to constantly, hearing Blaine's voice holding him over every time he was close to breaking).

At 9:00, he sat at his desk, working on a paper he wasn't really focusing on at all, eyes drifting constantly to his phone, waiting.

Minutes passed. Twenty. Then thirty. Then fifity.

Kurt stared at his phone in horror, stomach turning as the minutes ticked by, only three minutes left until 10:00.

Blaine was never late. Not once in over a month had he called at any time later than 9:59, and that had happened all of once.

Kurt swallowed hard, feeling sick, his eyes stinging, waiting, head hurting, confused.

Blaine would call. He always called.

9:58

9:59

10:00

Kurt let out an involuntary cross between a gasp and a sob as the clock read 10:01. Blaine wasn't going to call.

He'd given up.

Kurt wanted to scream, wanted to snatch his phone off the desk, call Blaine and scream, cry, demand to know why he hadn't called, why he was doing this, but then again, Kurt was in no position to be making demands.

With a sob he stood up from his desk, shoving everything off in one swift motion before turning and storming towards his room. He fell against his bed, curling up and crying loudly into his hands, not caring who heard.

Blaine had given up. He was gone. It was over.

Kurt screamed into a pillow, wrapping his arms tightly around himself, feeling like he might disintegrate if he didn't. He didn't know where the flood of emotion had come from, why the flood gates had burst and everything was flowing out of him in sharp, painful flashes, and he would have been afraid of himself in that moment if he'd had it in him to care.

It wasn't fair. It couldn't be over. He needed it to be real, no matter how broken or bent it was, he needed it. Them.

And it was over.

He heard his curtain divider slide open, and he didn't even bother to look up to tell whoever it was to get out, just continued crying into the pillow wrapped in Blaine's t-shirt that had already lost its smell.

The bed dipped behind him and he felt lean but strong arms wrap around his shoulders, pulling him tight until his back was flush against the other body.

"Shh," Santana whispered in his ear, pressing a kiss to his temple. "It's okay _novio. _It's gonna be okay."

Kurt sobbed again, his hands flying up to grasp at Santana's arms, clinging to her as she continued to whisper quiet, senseless comfort in his ear. He let himself be held, let himself break. They could have lain there for hours for all Kurt knew, staying like that for what felt like forever until his sobs died to muffled crying and then harsh, stuttered breathing. He felt exhaustion creep over him and let his eyes slide closed, still cling to Santana's arm, his hazy, exhaustion-ridden mind letting himself believe for a fleeting moment that he was being held by the boy he loved, that all wasn't lost, that it wasn't over.

He fell asleep, images of hazel eyes flashing in his mind.


	5. Chapter 4: Losing Him Was Blue

**Text, Thursday, 10:20 am**

We need to talk. -T

**Text, Thursday, 10:22 am**

About Blaine? -S

**Text, Thursday, 10:23 am**

About Blaine. -T

**Text, Thursday, 10:25 am**

Lockers, 10 minutes. Over and out, Asian Persuasion. -S

**Text, Thursday, 10:26 am**

Oh my god, shut up. -T

* * *

Tina leaned against Sam's locker, tapping her foot impatiently. She was concerned, and she didn't know what to do, and Sam was taking too long.

She glanced up when she heard footsteps approaching and sighed a little in relief when she saw Sam approaching, a frown set on his face, looking concerned.

"So what's up with Blaine?" he asked as soon as he was in earshot.

Tina sighed a little, running a frustrated hand through her hair. "You know how he's been exceptionally mopey and sad lately since the whole Kurt-pretending-he-doesn't-exist-thing? It got worse."

Sam's frown deepened and he crossed his arms, leaning against the locker next to Tina.

"Worse how? What happened" he asked.

"I'm not sure. But he hasn't been to any of his classes this morning, and I texted him, like, six times, and he hasn't responded. And he _always _responds to me now after I yelled at him last time for scaring the crap out of me when he had a meltdown and didn't answer the phone all night, so I don't think he has it with him. He _always _has his phone since the Kurt thing," she pointed out, and Sam nodded knowingly. Blaine had been attached to his phone for over a month now, and Sam always saw the lost hope when he would check his phone every once in a while, waiting for the text or call that wasn't coming.

"So I went looking for him," Tina continued. "Because I saw him come into school but he wasn't in History or Physics. And I found him."

Sam tensed for a minute, discomfort pooling in him. Tina looked heartbroken.

"He's been in the choir room all morning. He was just playing piano and singing and…crying. He looked awful. I went in and sat and listened and I don't even think he knew I was there. He's playing sad break up songs, i think he was playing Taylor Swift when I got in there, and he must have played through Teenage Dream at least three times, and that was just for the few minutes I was there. I don't know what we're supposed to do," she finished, looking lost.

Sam sighed, running a hand over his face. He didn't have much of an idea either.

"Okay," he said finally. "Let's go get him."

"Wait, what are you…do you even have a plan?" Tina asked, grabbing his arm to stop him as he turned and head down the hall towards the choir room.

"Course not," he said. "He's our best friend. We'll figure it out," he decided, pulling Tina along down the hall.

* * *

Blaine had no idea how long he'd been playing. Honestly, he wasn't even sure how he'd ended up in the choir room in the first place. He'd been in a bit of a daze since the night before. He'd been walking to class that morning, still in a fog, and had found his feet carrying him away from History and downstairs to the choir room, and the next minute he was seated and his fingers were trailing quietly over the keys of the piano, and he was pretty sure his cheeks were wet. And he'd just stayed there, because he couldn't find it in him to pull himself up and do the pointless things he was supposed to like go to class, care about silly, trivial things. What did it matter? His future was gone. The only future he'd ever planned on was Kurt, and he was gone. So what did it matter if he didn't go to class, what did it matter if he just sat here and plunked out a melody that only barely began to express the ache in his heart forever? It didn't.

He didn't even hear the door open and close behind him, didn't notice the footsteps approaching, only really realized he wasn't alone when a gentle hand laid over his and stopped him from playing something that he recognized vaguely as a movie soundtrack, maybe something from Moulin Rogue, he couldn't even tell anymore…

"Blaine," Tina said quietly, sitting down beside up and lifting her hand from his to wipe dried tears off his cheeks.

"What happened, man?" Blaine looked up to see Sam sitting down on his other side, placing a gentle hand on his shoulder.

Blaine glanced back and forth between his friends, blinking a few times as recognition set in through the fog and he vaguely became aware of how painfully concerned they looked. Tina looked so hurt, and Sam was trying to have that hard, strong, leader face on he always did when he was upset.

Blaine sighed, his eyes falling back to the keys. "I didn't call last night."

Tina and Sam exchanged a shocked glance, staring from each other back to Blaine, both tensing.

"You didn't…" Tina repeated quietly.

"No," Blaine answered her. "I decided to stop."

Sam's lips parted in shock. "Blaine…" he said quietly. "You…you just gave up?"

Blaine said nothing.

"Blaine, why would you…"

Blaine shoved the bench back from the piano hard, making both Sam and Tina cry out a little as it teetered under the weight of all of them, and Blaine stood up sharply, stalking away. "Because what's the point?" he shouted suddenly. "He's never going to answer me! He…he doesn't want this. It's over! He gave up on us, and all I'm doing is making it worse, thinking there's any hope. I love him, I need him but he… he doesn't want me anymore. I'm just…I'm making it worse. It's over, and he's…he's gone."

They were all quiet for a long moment, silence ringing through the room as it replaced the shouts that had moments ago been echoing off the walls.

Tina looked stunned, watching Blaine.

Sam stared for a long moment before he stood up, crossing to Blaine and putting his hands on his shoulders.

"Dude, look at me," he started, waiting for Blaine to drag his gaze from the ground. "You love him, don't you?"

Blaine looked up, glaring. "Why would you ask me that?" he said quietly, voice shaking a little.

"Don't you?" Sam repeated, determined.

"Of course I do," he said finally.

"And he loves you."

"Sam, he-" Blaine began, protesting.

"Shh. He does. Blaine, I know he does, you don't just go through what you two have been through together and just get over it like it never happened. I know Kurt, and the one thing I know about him above anything is that he loves you."

Blaine's face crumpled a little, his glare fading as a pained, hurt expression washed over him.

"So you love him and he loves you, right?" he asked.

Blaine nodded a little, looking lost and watching Sam hopefully, like Sam could somehow magically fix all of this. He wished it was that simple.

"So there's always hope, dude," he said, smiling at Blaine.

Blaine's mouth fell open a little, at a loss.

Tina appeared beside Sam, reaching forward and taking Blaine's hand. "We're not letting you give up, Blaine. You guys love each other, and Kurt's…I don't know what's going on with him right now, but he needs you just as much as you need him. You can't give up."

"I can't just keep calling him over and over and waiting for an answer I'm never going to get…" Blaine argued weakly.

"So don't. We'll figure something else out. Something better. But you're not quitting him," Tina replied.

Blaine stared for a long moment, swallowing hard. "I don't even know how to. I wish I did."

Sam smiled again, squeezing Blaine's shoulders. "We've got your back, okay? Don't give up."

Blaine nodded slowly, choking a little as tears brimmed in his eyes. Sam drew him forward immediately, tugging Blaine into his arms and hugging him tightly. Tina wrapped her arms around them both from the side, and Sam wrapped an arm around her shoulders as well as the three of them embraced tightly.

"Thank you," Blaine said quietly into Sam's shoulder.

"Always, brother," Sam answered.


End file.
